November 16, 2018
Maybe it’s the cold, crisp air biting at my exposed skin, or the dreary, grey, wintry skies that has draped a dark curtain over my emotions today. Although I’ll admit, winter in Minnesota is NOT my favorite season. And whether the official calendar says it’s WINTER or not, us Minnesotans KNOW winter here STARTS EARLY & ENDS LATE , making it the LONGEST SEASON of them all! I’m more of the “give me a white Christmas & then I’m good & done with winter” kind of girl! 😉
No, I think it’s MORE than the weather. It’s deeper, emotional and sometimes painful. It’s the holiday season. It’s financial stress. It’s being unsure of what I’m doing and where I’m going. It’s a feeling of emptiness inside, where there used to be a relationship. Y’all, TRUSTING in the Lord… I get that! And I’ve got my FAITH in Him, so WHY do I feel this way still? I pray. I read the bible. I listen. I spend more & more time in His word and focusing on Him, talking with Him openly and honestly, yet my heart still struggles to come up for air. My tears threaten to spill over at any minute. No, it’s NOT just the weather, it’s the season. The holiday season.
I guess holiday depression is a real thing. Who knew? Don’t get me wrong, I love my children, my family, my friends… ALL that God has blessed me with, especially through this last year of change. God is truly SO GOOD! Yet, this struggle is so very real. This time of year was ALWAYS my favorite time of year. I wish it still were. Although, I wear my brave face, because I’m a mom, and my kids love the holidays, inside a war is raging.
These demons are strong. So is my God.
I believe this verse with every fiber of my being. I recite Proverbs 3:5-6 over and over. Because if I say it enough, it’ll be like magic and make me better, right? Well, no. But a girl can dream. Sometimes I think it takes MORE than just one girl’s prayers and bible reading. They say it takes a village to raise a child, well then, maybe it TAKES A CHURCH TO STRENGTHEN ITS CONGREGATION & FOLLOWERS. Does the church have to have 4 walls, a roof, and a floor? No. The “church” is where two or more people gather to worship & praise God.
Right here, right now, I’m reaching out to you for YOUR help, YOUR prayers! The STRUGGLE is REAL but so is GOD!